Some elderly Friends in Philadelphia, knowing the time of my intending to setoff, had conferred together, and thought good to inform me of these thingsbefore I left home, that I might consider them and proceed as I believed best.Going to bed again, I told not my wife till morning. My heart was turned to theLord for His heavenly instruction; and it was an humbling time to me. When Itold my dear wife, she appeared to be deeply concerned about it; but in a fewhours' time my mind became settled in a belief that it was my duty to proceedon my journey, and she bore it with a good degree of resignation. In thisconflict of spirit there were great searchings of heart and strong cries to theLord, that no motion might in the least degree be attended to but that of thepure spirit of truth.The subjects before mentioned, on which I had so lately spoken in public,were now fresh before me, and I was brought inwardly to commit myself to theLord, to be disposed of as He saw best. I took leave of my family andneighbours in much bowedness of spirit, and went to our Monthly Meeting atBurlington. After taking leave of Friends there, I crossed the river,accompanied by my friends Israel and John Pemberton; and parting the nextmorning with Israel, John bore me company to Samuel Foulk's, where I met thebefore-mentioned Indians; and we were glad to see each other.Here my friend Benjamin Parvin met me, and proposed joining me as acompanion, -- we had before exchanged some letters on the subject, -- and now Ihad a sharp trial on his account; for, as the journey appeared perilous, Ithought if he went chiefly to bear me company, and we should be taken captive,my having been the means of drawing him into these difficulties would add to myown afflictions; so I told him my mind freely, and let him know that I wasresigned to go alone; but after all, if he really believed it to be his duty togo on, I believed his company would be very comfortable to me. It was, indeed,a time of deep exercise, and Benjamin appeared to be so fastened to the visit that he could not be easy to leave me; so we went on, accompanied by ourfriends John Pemberton and William Lightfoot of Pikeland.We lodged at Bethlehem, and there parting with John, William and we wentforward on the 9th of the Sixth Month, and got lodging on the floor of a house,about five miles from Fort Allen. Here we parted with William, and at thisplace we met with an Indian trader lately come from Wyoming. In conversationwith him, I perceived that many white people often sell rum to the Indians,which I believe is a great evil. In the first place, they are thereby deprivedof the use of reason, and, their spirits being violently agitated, quarrelsoften arise which end in mischief, and the bitterness and resentment occasionedhereby are frequently of long continuance. Again, their skins and furs, gottenthrough much fatigue and hard travels in hunting, with which they intended tobuy clothing, they often sell at a low rate for more rum, when they becomeintoxicated; and afterward, when they suffer for want of the necessaries oflife, are angry with those who, for the sake of gain, took advantage of theirweakness.

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Being thus fully convinced, and feeling an increasing desire to live in thespirit of peace, I have often been sorrowfully affected with thinking on theunquiet spirit in which wars are generally carried on, and with the miseries ofmany of my fellow-creatures engaged therein; some suddenly destroyed; somewounded, and after much pain remaining cripples; some deprived of all theiroutward substance and reduced to want; and some carried into captivity.Thinking often on these things, the use of hats and garments dyed with a dyehurtful to them, and wearing more clothes in summer than are useful, grew moreuneasy to me, believing them to be customs which have not their foundation inpure wisdom. The apprehension of being singular from my beloved friends was astrait upon me, and thus I continued in the use of some things contrary to myjudgment.On the 31st of Fifth Month, 1761, I was taken ill of a fever, and after ithad continued near a week, I was in great distress of body. One day there was acry raised in me that I might understand the cause of my affliction, andimprove under it, and my conformity to some customs which I believed were notright was brought to my remembrance. In the continuance of this exercise I feltall the powers in me yield themselves up into the hands of Him who gave mebeing, and was made thankful that He had taken hold of me by His chastisements.Feeling the necessity of further purifying, there was now no desire in me forhealth until the design of my correction was answered. Thus I lay in abasementand brokenness of spirit, and as I felt a sinking down into a calm resignation,so I felt, as in an instant, an inward healing in my nature, and from that timeforward I grew better.hough my mind was thus settled in relation to hurtful dyes, I felt easy towear my garments heretofore made, and continued to do so about nine months.Then I thought of getting a hat the natural colour of the fur, but theapprehension of being looked upon as one affecting singularity felt uneasy tome. Here I had occasion to consider that things, though small in themselves,being clearly enjoined by divine authority, become great things to us; and Itrusted that the Lord would support me in the trials that might attendsingularity, so long as singularity was only for His sake. On this account Iwas under close exercise of mind in the time of our General Spring Meeting,1762, greatly desiring to be rightly directed; when, being deeply bowed in spirit before the Lord, I was made willing to submit to what I apprehended wasrequired of me, and when I returned home got a hat of the natural color of thefur.In attending meetings this singularity was a trial to me, and more especiallyat this time, as white hats were used by some who were fond of following thechangeable modes of dress, and as some Friends who knew not from what motives Iwore it grew shy of me, I felt my way for a time shut up in the exercise of theministry. In this condition, my mind being turned toward my Heavenly Fatherwith fervent cries that I might be preserved to walk before Him in the meeknessof wisdom, my heart was often tender in meetings, and I felt an inwardconsolation which to me was very precious under these difficulties.I had several dyed garments fit for use which I believed it best to wear tillI had occasion for new ones. Some Friends were apprehensive that my wearingsuch a hat savoured of an affected singularity; those who spoke with me in afriendly way I generally informed, in a few words, that I believed my wearingit was not in my own will. I had at times been sensible that a superficialfriendship had been dangerous to me; and many Friends being now uneasy with me,I had an inclination to acquaint some with the manner of my being led intothese things; yet upon a deeper thought I was for a time most easy to omit it,believing the present dispensation was profitable, and trusting that, if I keptmy place, the Lord in his own time would open the hearts of Friends towards me.I have since had cause to admire His goodness and loving-kindness in leadingabout and instructing me, and in opening and enlarging my heart in some of ourmeetings.

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